LATEST BEAUTY TREND: Haggard old gypsy woman... I am rocking it

I have no beauty routine. None.
I am sporadic and completely random in my "Maintenance".
The idea is a solid one, I grant you.
Regularly and routinely look after your skin, hair etc and not look like a haggard old Gypsy woman, cool. I get it, still don't do it. Occasionally, I will catch a passing glimpse of myself in the mirror, which will have me running for the concrete concealer in utter fear, but still, I am so low maintenance, it can't be counted as even trying.  

This is not me bragging.... I am literally rolling my eyes at myself.


My eyebrows are regularly successful in their plan to take over my face. One of my good friends recently bought a little home eyebrow waxing kit. She was very proud of the result, so lent it to me and encouraged me to give it a try. I think she may just have been sick of looking at the black caterpillars attached to my forehead or wanted a good laugh :)
It could have gone VERY badly, I was expecting to be completely eyebrow less or having to try and dial 000 using brail  because I managed to melt my own eyeballs. Its hard to blog about beauty mistakes when blinded, but I was picturing myself having a go anyway!

Sorry to disappoint guys but I actually did it, my eyebrows and pride are in tact, BUT it took me an hour of complete concentration and I had to put the kids into a TV coma.


Why am I sharing all this with you? I want to know how the hell you ladies do it? How do you look so good and together? When the hell do you do it all? Masks, scrubs, hair treatments, waxing, dyes, plucking, exfoliating, moisturizing and that all before the frigging make up?? Do you not sleep???

Even more, who has all this time and energy to make their own beauty shit? I know you exist, I've seen your posts and your pins all involving oatmeal, eggs, coconut oil and fresh herbs (which being on my current diet sounds better than what I had for breakfast).

How? for the love of  shiny skin how? how?

Observations from the 72 Bus

Wear deodorant people! There was a guy with such a strong funk that I was seriously considering removing my earbuds and sticking them up my nose.

To the lady with the sensible shoes and white satin blouse, doing her eyeliner: How the. actual.Fuck. did you manage to not stab your eyeball on the end of that eyeliner pencil like a shish kebab? Its a talented lady who can apply perfect eyeliner and mascara in a moving bus....I salute you.

I think at bus driver school there is the following units "How to brake like the bus is on fire, EVERY SINGLE TIME or How to make all the passengers fall off their seats". I am surprised I don't have a permanent dent on my forehead from the seat in front.

Also catching the bus makes me feel old. The bus was packed this morning. I thought to myself :Oh, you had better stand up for an old person"........ I was the fucking oldest person on the bus.... the whole way!!!!

Dave hurry up and fix my scooter.... I am going bus crazy.

Know Your Neighbours?

I'm all for a quick "hello, hows it going?" with my neighbours, but I have to be honest. I don't really want to take it any further than that.

That makes me a shitty neighbour,  But I like my home time, quiet time, walking around in my crappy t'shirt and wine time. You guys know this. To do these crazy "me time" things requires a little privacy.

Im also pritty sure that they have heard me when I've lost my shit and yelled at the girls, so they may treat me like a wild bear and avoid me outright anywway.

They are a mixed bag. Our neighbourhood is a mixed bag.

One of our neighbours is a sweet old 90 year old lady, who I do like to chat with.

A few houses down we have the local druggie house. In the 7 years we have lived in our house, we have had about a dozen drunken incidents. One time a guy ran down the street brandishing a machete, another time a young woman jumped our fence to avoid her raging boyfriend. Another time we have had people swearing at us through our front door becuse we wouldnt call them a taxi. We know when they have gone to jail because it gets really peacefull.

One Christmas, a neighbour arrived on our doorstep. Swaying and slurring, she explained that she had made us cookies. I reluctantly let her in. While she was in the hallway, she tried to toungue kiss Dave, my husband. He no longer does yard work shirtless :)

Funnily enough, I think that neighbour
enjoys her crappy t'shirt and wine time too.

We avoid eye contact when taking out our bins.....

Pretty things in strange places

While we were travelling I documented all the "Street" or "Urban art" I could. I loved looking down a dirty alley way and finding a splash of colour and style. Looking back through the images, a lot of them have more meaning to me than the big touristy places and traditional "happy snaps".

This post is dedicated to the pretty things in strange places that I collected and would like to share with you all and to the everyday art makers, who strive to bring fun, beauty and quirky to our mundane minutes. xx

P.S Italy, New York, Paris, Montpellier, Joshua Tree NP, Los Angeles, Texas

To the boy on the bus this morning

You're young. Maybe 16. 
You are wearing a clean white shirt and pants and look like you are on your way to work. 
Through the music on my headphones, I hear you talking. 
You're on the phone... But no, no phone or headphones. 
You're talking to yourself. Swearing , hitting yourself and the bus wall in front of you. You're actually quite quiet. It's not aimed at anyone else on the bus, it's aimed at yourself. 

You stand up to get off the bus, I see all the scars and sores  on your face and arms. ICE or Meth, I'm thinking. 

You. Are. So. Young. You are handsome for a kid, you have big clear blue eyes. You aren't homeless and you look like someone cares for you. 

You have psychosis. 

If you stop now, you might not suffer from mental health problems permanently. If you stop now, at 16, you might have a normal life, you might even have an extraordinary life. 

In between swearing at yourself and getting off the bus, you stop and thank the bus driver and walk off. 

I think there is hope for you.