I thank my lucky stars

Today I was sad. Its ok, it is what it is. It just felt a little like a headache but in my chest.

I was just looking through photos of our 6 month trip.  I know I don't talk about it much. It seems surreal now.

Actually thats not true, I just have trouble conjuring up the feelings from the trip because of what happened after.

We were so lucky, so so lucky to have been able to do what we did. To just "upticks and go" and 6 months and 1 week of adventure, pure freedom and fun.

I am really grateful for all of what we experienced but I am most grateful for WHEN it happened. Consider this, If we had gone when I had proposed we go, January, we wouldn't have been able to go at all. Mum passed on January 21st, just two weeks after we got back.

As it happens our trip went off without a hitch, we escaped not only unscathed but completely ready to do it all over again. It was like we got given the universal green light.

Dont get me wrong it wasn't all sunshine and roses, there was the time that Leah got onto a crowded peak hour Paris subway train and I got caught in the doors, trying desperately to open them before it whisked away my eldest child...on her own. There was the great Blood nose of Milan, when I had to practically bathe Brianna in a public fountain, which then turned a worrying shade of Pink. There was the stroll through the "red light" district in Montmarte, where my children learned that "Pussy" has two meanings, there was the time I got drunk on Baileys and decided I could ride Leahs scooter... I ate gravel, there was the sprained ankle in the Grand canyon which we told Leah to "shake off" (great parenting moment 2015), there was the gastro outbreak in L.A which resulted in spewing out the window of the rental car...semi successfully, there was poisoned snails in Barcelona which along with the gin is a night I would rather forget, there was the Toga party in Las vegas, we didn't attend but it happened around our motorhome for about 5 hours, it feels weirdly exposing when people party right outside where you are sleeping.... Oh and there was "Dick and Balls" in Louisiana. A state park so grungy and dodgy and swamp like, that I was expecting squirrel and moonshine for dinner... It also was shaped like a dick and balls on the map....

It wasn't sunshine and roses but it was perfect and I thank my lucky stars.

DICK AND BALLS, LOUISIANA

Keys... Yes please

We are in the Hippo, our 30ft, 3 bed motorhome, a little dented and war wounded after having carted us from New Jersey to Niagra, through Pennsylvania, Carolina and Greogia  to Florida. We had a slight altercation with a metal safety barrier on a freeway in Jersey and we were all  a little worse for wear. Oh... And if anyone asks, it was a massive grizzly. 

We had been freezing our butts off in wintery Niagra, bored shirtless in the middle of "Camouflage, hunting and people of Walmart" America and we arrive in the Florida keys. It is a breath of salty fresh air and so quiet. There is only one place, one state park, you can stay in with a motor home.  It's in Long Key. It's not Key West, it's not restaurants and hotels, its not key lime pie and drunk girls. It's sandy car parks and beach, a throw back to 1960's motels with shell shaped little villas.  It's heaven. Quiet camp spots, right  on the beach. There is no wifi, no tv. We park up, get out our camp chairs, plonk them in the water and chiiiiiiiiilllllllll. Relax,the closest land mass is Mexico. 
Picture it, 
Warm, quiet beach, with no one really around and only a small threat of being stung and bitten from some small jelly fish. We are from Australia, you've got nothing that can kill us.
We are chilled. For 5 days, we do nothing. 
Wake up, coffee, sit on the beach. In the Hippo for nap when it's hot. After lunch we sit on our chairs in the water and stay there until after sunset. Naked frolicking children and the odd jelly fish and kayaker for entertainment followed by a spectacular sunset. 
The only negative was a thing called a "Noseeum" literally "no see them". A little invisible insect that bites like a Mozzie, But, the bite will keep itching days or weeks after you have been bitten every time you sweat or get hot. Resulting in head to toe redness and itchiness. So. God. Damn. Itchy. There is no repellent or cream that works. But it was worth it. We hadn't planned to visit the Florida keys and we saw nothing of the well known Florida keys, but we had our own private beach and our hippo and our family. Yes, I did sing the Beach Boys song "Kokimo" continuously for 5 days and we got to keep our "Noseeum" souvenirs. 



Oh and seriously, the rented camp chairs where already rusty and covered with seaweed, if anyone asks :)

Italy the land of food, booze and ATTITUDE

I realise that there is a chance that I'm going to sound like a wanker now when I say that we have a "Love / Hate relationship" with Italy, like "Oh you know darrrrling, I loved Sorrento but just couldn't staaaand the atmosphere in Positano".

I want you to know, My family and I are not pretentious wankers and over all we are up for any adventure being it 1 star "street food and sleeping bag" to 5 star "fragrant oils in the bath tub" experiences, but Italy for us was like a punch in the face with a beautiful satin glove, and very honestly, after about 10 rounds in the ring, Italy won by K.O and we never really recovered.

Our trip covered, Milan, Venice, Florence, Rome and Pisa with side trips to Sienna, Bologna, Napoli and Pompeii. A very well worn tourist route and for good reason. There is just so much history and amazing art to see, When we could we would tell the girls to "touch the history" because they had never even comprehended, let alone touched, anything that old before, and may not get to again. The richness of history and the beauty was evident in nearly everything,  but, it felt like we had to fight every step of the way in order to see these things. 

Firstly, there is the never ending construction and restoration. I am not arguing with the merit of these things , just our unlucky timing. Trevi fountain? nope, under construction and restoration. The Colosseum , half under scaffolding, The Spanish Steps, nope, restoration and scaffolding, Rialto Bridge? Nope under scaffolding. So OK, that's cool, lets enjoy some other sites.
Then we have the baffling and often intimidating rules and the guards that enforce them. When you deal with 100,000's of people a day, and priceless historical artifacts, I get it, you need to have security and rules, however it went a little something like this:

"Yes you may touch the water in the fountain and drink from it, NO! you may not do that if you are a child!"

"Yes you may sit on that patch of grass. NO! you may not sit on the identical patch of grass right next to it".

"Yes, you may lean on this railing. NO! you may not lean on the railing now, only after 3pm".

"Yes, this is the line for the such and such Museum. No! it's the line for the such and such pass holder, or for all people but only on Mondays and Fridays. No! there is no information on where you should line up but if you pay 200 Euro, Ill take you".

Look, this doesn't sound so bad, but when you are confronted by purple faced, whistle blowing and screaming officials, armed and in scary official uniforms and all you've done is perch your butt slightly to the right of where everyone else is perched, it gets a little confronting. So, OK, they are very busy and under stress, cool, lets catch some transport and see other things.

Italian bus drivers are interesting creatures. Firstly you must never assume that just because you found the correct bus stop, that it actually ever stops there. Secondly, you must never, ever talk directly to a bus driver, especially if that conversation is to do with the bus trip you are currently taking. If you do manage to get to your destination, you are then required to play a game of "guess which door you may exit the bus by". The buses have three doors, but they will only open 1 door for the exit and it is never the same one, forcing you to rugby tackle your way out of the bus. So, OK, lets take the train.

On some occasions, in a foreign country, you may need to ask for directions. We were polite, we smiled and asked in the best way we could, be  it in English or in broken Italian. This was met with eye rolling, some not subtle boob perving, followed by some pointing and general directions. "Thank you so much!" we say and off we toddle. After 4 attempts and 4 different answers, the best course of action was to preform a seance, call on the ghosts of our dead ancestors and allow them to guide us to the correct train platform. 

After all of this, we did stumble on a great solution. BOOZE, FOOD and MORE BOOZE! There is so much cheap and wonderful drinking options for your pleasure and there are no laws against public drinking, you are allowed to wonder down the street with a drink in hand, pretty much anywhere. Campari Spritzers in Milan, Prosseco in Florence, Wine and Limoncello in Rome and all of the above in Pisa. After we discovered this secret and with the edges nicely softened we were then able to be properly gob smacked and amazed, all be it a little head achy in the morning.

No, Venice lady, we didn't steal your TV and other tales from AirBnB

The only way we were able to afford to travel through Europe and America for 6 months was Airbnb.

The.Only.Way.

As a group of four, two of whom valued privacy from time to time and two who were exhausted parents who needed their beauty sleep, we made the rule of no more than AU $200 per night and where possible two bedrooms or at very least one seperate bedroom and a lounge room with sofa bed. Also, NO house shares (meaning staying with other people in the same place).

As luck and providence would have it, we stayed in some really awesome apartments, met some very nice people and were only accused of theft and vandalism once.

We stayed in a few homes that were much the same and passed by in a bit of blur. These were all mostly ok, one bedroom places with lumpy sofa beds in sizes ranging from tiny to small, no air con and some interesting design choices. Like a toilet next to the front door, a loft bedroom with a roof so low we had to kneel to get up the stairs and decapitated ourselves promptly in the morning, an elevator which only fitted one small suitcase at a time and never people, never ever people, Oh, and with no locks. 

Which brings me to Venice. A little one bedroom apartment in a quieter part overlooking canals. No security and no locks. We stayed four nights and had a very good time getting lost in tiny streets. At the end of our time, we cleaned up, packed up, shut the door and left, like instructed. On Airbnb, as a visitor, you can leave a review saying if you enjoyed your stay. The owner can also leave a review of you, as a visitor.

"You Stole My TV!" was the review we received, publicly. Now keep in mind we still had about 2 months worth of Europe trip to go and another 8 places to stay and Everyone can see that we are apparently thieves. My calm and well thought out response was something like "Ah, no, we didn't. We are a family of four travelling by TRAIN, with SUITCASES! Where the F* would we put your bloody TV? I am at the point where I am throwing out shoes because I can't be arsed carting them around, but now I have room for a TV???? your F*n nuts!". Airbnb graciously stepped in at that point and removed the post.

The vandalism part of our Airbnb story occurred in Pisa. The shittiest apartment of all the ones we stayed in and also the cheapest ($65 per night). Let that be a lesson to you all!

It was a basement conversion into a mouldy, mosquito infested, concrete sweat box. In our attempt to cool the room from boiling lava to the devils arm pit, we apparently damaged the fan thingy and somehow or another unplugged the fridge. This apparently caused major damage. So much damage in fact that he was able to rent it out to some other unsuspecting schmucks the very next day.

It really wasn't all bad, in fact, mostly it was brilliant.

In Paris, our first Airbnb, we had a small, old beautifully appointed apartment. We could just see the top of the Eiffel tower from the kitchen window and you could almost fit one person in the shower (but you had to do the limbo in order to wet your head). An attic apartment in a converted old theatre with ancient wooden beams in Montpellier. A huge apartment in the funkiest part of Rome, a decent apartment smack bang in the middle of the red light district of Milan, a renovated little beauty deep in the heart of Dominican Harlem, New York and lastly a beautiful, light filled, arty and comfy place in the Jewish Orthodox area of Beverly Hills, where we, ironically, celebrated Christmas.

I loved the adventure of discovering each new place and the pot luck that is Airbnb added to that sense of excitement. Things I learned were:

If its too cheap, Don't. Really Don't.

Stay as central as you can or at very least as close as you can to subways/metros and a supermarket.

Contact the owners of the different places you are staying as much as possible. If they don't want to talk with you about your upcoming stay, your in for a shit one probably.

It is possible to negotiate a better rate when staying for a week or more.

Treat each place with respect and clean up when you go, at least dishes, floors and rubbish.

You can get a decent price for a second hand TV, ;-)

Why I felt like a contented Walrus in Paris

Touch down in Paris, tired, bedraggled but oh so happily surprised by our chic french Airbnb apartment in Passy. Walking distance to the Eiffel tower and straight out of the iconic Paris images that we have daydreamed over. Once the jet lag fog lifted and we ventured onto the streets, we started to notice a trend. Every-single-person, every-bloody-one was gorgeous.

Older men with stylishly turned up collars and a devilish sweep to their hair. Women, svelte, and groomed and confident and quirky, beautiful and sexy, I swear Dave and I both had trouble holding a thought, let alone a conversation. Even teenagers, who should have been pimply and greasy, like normal, wore perfect "I'm glamorous but don't care" street outfits, all shiny hair and big sunglasses.

Now, I'm a bigger girl. I know this fact and its not exactly something I can hide. For the most part, from hour to hour, day to day, I don't think about it too much and there are some bonuses, like a great rack. It crosses my mind when considering a krispy kreme donut (or two) or under those god awful fluorescent change room lights, oh and especially when I accidentally swap to the front camera on my phone, but, like I said, not too often.... Until Paris.

Suddenly, I was Walrus Shrek. I felt ungainly, huge and dowdy. Dressed in my "I had to pack for 6 months and I never ever want to iron in that time" outfits, I walrused, with my family in tow, to all of the famous and best Paris locations.....and had the BEST fucking time!

You know why I didn't care? Cos it was Paris. I gorged on Almandine croissants, cheese, Pate, Champagne, Wine, Pain Chocolate, more cheese, terrine and cognac.

Parisians, you can be skinny, you can be stylish and while you cook like that? Ill happily be the fat, drooling, clomping walrus in the background inhaling all your delicacies and i'll thank you for it. Do yourself a favour, buy a mu mu, travel insurance and a ticket to Paris. Skip the fashion show and find the closest boulangerie. 

2 deaths, 1 illness, 6 months, 7 countries, 2 kids, 1 hubby and a hippo

"Caroline? You had better sit down. Joe* was found dead last night, looks like he took his own life".
He had worked for/with me, a troubled man with a young family. I was a real estate agent and managing a small office, with a smaller team. I can't say I knew him well, but I tried to help him. I tried to see that he got back at least close to the rails if not on them.

I rang Dave and told him. I didn't feel responsible, but I did feel a little neglectful, like I had washed my hands of him, and now  a while down the track, this was the result. This was only a month or so after another man we knew through our work had died in a tragic accident, again leaving a young family behind.

"Wow, thats terrible, I found out today that Matthew* is really sick, he's only in his thirties! Fuck it life is too short for this! I think we should just bloody do it!" shouted Dave.

For about two days we had been talking about IT. You know the dream that you talk about animatedly with your significant other after a couple of glasses. For the first and probably the only time in our lives we had the borrowing capacity to pull IT off. You thought I was going to say, we had the money.... trust me.... we will never have the savings for a huge trip, let alone IT, but we had the potential to pull it off. The incentive? A good deal of "Lets get the fuck out of here" followed with a smidge of "We will probably never be close to being able to do this again".

So we did. 6 months of travel with our kids (two gorgeous girl firecrackers aged 7 and 8) to all the dream destinations we could think of.

Once the decision was made, and the bank paid up, next came the fight. Dave wanted to leave yesterday, now, immediately. I, on the other hand was working through the logistics, we had to clean up our house and find some people to rent it. Organise some sort of schooling for the girls. Give notice to work, pack, put the rest of our stuff in storage... plan, book and pay, break the news to my parents and friends. I thought we needed at least three months to get our selves organised. I put my foot down! 2 weeks later we were on the tarmac and that is how it all started.